Netflix and Celebrities

Well shoot me in the face and call me a liar. Did I watch my Netflix movie this week? No I did not. Did I have time to watch my Netflix movie this week? Yes I did. Do you know what I did instead? I read. I READ! I mean, if you know me AT ALL, that is a ginormous alteration in life style (just so you know, ginormous is actually a word according to Websters Dictionary and Blogger here deems it necessary to underline in red. Disappointed, Blogger. Keep up with the times). But do you know what it was I was reading? A book I had already read. That's right people. I ignored a movie for a book I already know the ending to! Well gosh darn it if my momma wouldn't be proud. Except, maybe she wouldn't be proud because it's Harry Potter. And she still doesn't seem to like the whole "witch" thing. Us kids - and some of our cousins and her sister-in-law - are trying to win her over. Don't worry. It will happen. And her world will be much the better for it. (I'm not sure why I'm speaking in crazy southern language today... "gosh darn it if my momma"? Really Alli?)

To completely throw you off the horse (arrrrggghh! There's another phrase! Where are they coming from?!), let's talk about celebrities, shall we? I pay attention to them. And I hate myself for it. I go on people.com practically everyday to see how Reese Witherspoon's wedding planning is coming along (I'm happy to report that the big day went off without a hitch) or to see if Willow Smith has yet another hair style gone wrong (most recent photo shows it being orange... I mean I'm just sayin'). Are Kristin and Robert *really* a couple? Why the hell did Carrie and Shia ever break up?! I <3 that George and Angie are trying to save the world. But you know what I noticed? Not many Christian celebrities get highlighted. The reasons I think are pretty obvious, and yet... it would be awesome to see Steven Curtis Chapman walking out of his local Starbucks with drink in hand. And knowing that Donald Miller has to pump his own gas. This is the internet-frenzy 21st century, there has got to a website out there for those kinds of things, no? Let me know if you find it.

All this stems from a blog post I read from Jon Acuff, author of the best selling book "Stuff Christians Like" (based off the title of "Stuff White People Like"). He was traveling on Southwest for work I assume and Michael W. Smith just happened to be on his flight... and he mentally freaked. As I think would I. (Please click on the link and read the post; it's for your own good.) Now, the question is: how would you react in that situation? Some of my thought processes would be extremely similar (see: "What if I just started singing [Friends are Friends Forever] instead? Would other people on the plane join in? Would that be awkward or would I 'find my place in this world'?"). That would be me, except without the book. And thus without an excuse to even approach Mr. Smith or interrupt his real-celebrity inspired indoor-sunglasses use. I mean for real, who wears sunglasses on a plane? Get over yourself, MWS! (Mr. Smith, if you read this blog, I profusely apologize. I know you are doing great things for the Lord. Inspiring, really. No offense. No offense.)

To end this blog I have two things to say:
1) I ramble and I need to have more cohesive thoughts (+10 for using a GRE word)
2) I want to leave you with this wonderment from, my guess is somewhere around 1987. "In the fertile soil of you"? I'm thinking MWS is still squirming from that lyric faux pas. And I think that checker jacket really is accented well by the neon background. Bring back the mullet, Michael! CUH-lassic.

New Design

Ladies and gentlemen, as I am sure you are aware, my design has changed. Love it? Hate it? Have suggestions? I'm especially talking to you, oh design-talented friends.

And because it's a gloomy Monday here in the Northeast, I thought I'd share a little cheer. This is one of my new favorite songs, although I have yet to watch the actual music video. I love the beat and clapping. I'm usually a fan of any song that has a hard beat done with clapping. Per example, see the second video starting around 4:25 (a song I found through watching The Thomas Crown Affair).

P.S. I've decided to have a post once a week dedicated to the Netflix film I watched. I think it will be a great way to keep me dedicated to watching new films consistently (and not wasting my $10/month) as well as stretching my writing skills and practicing my film critique. Stay tuned for my first film post coming soon!

Dog Days are Over by Florence and The Machine

Sinnerman by Nina Simone

Announcement!

Hear ye, hear ye! The bell tolls in the town square! Gather 'round to hear good news that comes from the town of Wood of the Holly. Katniss Everdeen has been cast! That's right people, Jennifer Lawrence from Winter's Bones will star as the defiant and strong-headed lead protagonist and I am delighted. I am so glad they have gone the route of an Oscar nominated actress and hopefully this is a good sign for things to come. Suzanne Collins has this to say about Jennifer:

"Jennifer's just an incredible actress. So powerful, vulnerable, beautiful, unforgiving and brave. I never thought we'd find somebody this perfect for the role. And I can't wait for everyone to see her play it."


Now if that doesn't convince you, I don't know what will. If the author of the book is this proud of the casting, then I'm thrilled. Jennifer is a bit older than 16, it's true. But she is young enough looking and recently got nominated for playing a 17 year old. Hollywood usually casts actors a bit older than their counterparts anyway. It's the way it rolls out there in good ol' Wood of the Holly.

It helps that she's STUNNING...

Peeta

Also, I changed my mind about who I want to play Peeta in The Hunger Games movie. World, meet David Kross.

David Kross at the premier of The Reader

Traveling

I am one lucky girl. I really am! The past four weekends I've managed to travel (and be visited by!) my four very best friends who live far away. Some of my closest friends live in exotic places like... Memphrica, or... Fayettevillllle (say that with a southern accent and you'll fit right in). Here is how it all went down.

Fayetteville (Feb 17-22): The South. Not a place I fit in right way. Not a place where I feel comfortable. I'm a bit geographist - what's the word I'm looking for that means I judge people by where they live? - towards southern folk. I do not like country music (except for Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts, and maybe Lady Antebellum). I do not understand the southern drawl. I do not do well with grits or any other form of food that looks like baby spit-up. All that said, I LOVED the Raleigh area. Go figure. I got to visit one of my closest friends from high school, Amy, and her husband and their new born baby Wyatt. Who is A-dorable. If you don't believe me, I submit exhibit A:

Wyatt and Alli

It was a wonderful time to relax and get away from the cold, snow and day-to-day life. I also got to visit my cousins who live in Garner and close family friends in Cary. Shout out to the Doepps and Keegans! You guys were such a huge blessing to me while I was down there and I have to say my attitude and energy towards the current challenges in life really turned around after getting to talk with both of you. I hope you read this and know how grateful I am for a listening ear and sound encouragement. I love you.

Boston (Feb 25-27): Back home. But this time... Michelle and Tim came to visit me! Michelle and I have both been dealing with some pretty harsh issues currently and we really needed to have some BFF time. Tim was gracious and went to hangout with his buddies at the Sam Adams Brewery while Michelle and I chatted it up at a local coffee shop for about 3 hours. Yep, no typo there. 3 hours! I miss my bestie. We then joined our friend Heather for some girl time until the boys came back and insisted we watch The A-Team... and by that I mean I wanted to watch The A-Team. We spent the remainder of the weekend at Heather and Joe's and it was an extremely relaxing and revigerating weekend which was topped off with a small marathon viewing of The Newlyweds. I believe Nick and Jessica would've lasted forever if it wasn't for that stupid show.

Connecticut (March 4-6): My dearest friend Mary is getting married!!! After an extremely lovely summer last year filled with bridal showers, bachelorette parties and endless weddings, I decided to do it all again! Ha! This time I am a bridesmaid for Mary and Chris' wedding which will be in FL on Palm Sunday. Score huge for swimming weather and sunshine. The other bridesmaids and I planned out this adorable pink and green spring-like bridal shower for Miss Mary and I just needed to show some pictures because I can't help myself. Congratulations to the future Mrs. Ducan! :-)

Cupcakes, decor and the beautiful cake by Betsy

Jackie O. and some retro photos to go with the cooking theme

My mom, Debbie, me, Mary, Brie, and Mrs. Vigue

NYC (March 12-13): Last and certainly not least is my visit with Samantha. Her and her husband won a sweepstakes trip to the country of Jordan. You read correctly - they won a $15,000 trip! Jealousy. Anyway, on their way home to what Sam likes to refer to as Memphrica, they had a 24 hour layover in the Big Apple. Joy! I drove down the four hours and spent Saturday into Sunday with them and enjoyed some pulled pork at the Pig 'n Whistle on 2nd and 51st (which Alex consumed because he missed pig products so much for his 10 days away in the Middle East) and then some good ol' NY pizza for Sunday brunch. A quick visit but worth the 4-hour drive both ways. Also, Happy Birthday to my mom!! Her birthday was yesterday the 13th. Love you so very much, mommy dearest!

With all the excitement, I got myself sick. I'm re-cooperating now and only have a slight headache and stuffy nose. I'm excited to relax and watch the finale of The Bachelor tonight! If he does not choose Emily, so help me I will throw something at my television.

If they don't live happily ever after...

*Also, just a quick note to keep Japan in your prayers. My friend Hannah, her husband Seth and their two kiddos are over there in Nagano and although they are fine there are more fears of earthquakes. Their hearts and ours are so heavy for the country of Japan right now. Keep them in your prayers so they remain safe and also so they know how to reach and be a comfort to those people who have been affected by the earthquake and tsunami. Here is a link to a live English-spoken Japanese-channel feed for most up-to-date information: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/nhk-world-tv

Keeping Up with the Creativity

Wow, this blogging thing is not for the faint of heart, huh? I have been slacking. Terribly. For me, writing is not quite a release as it is for some people. When I need to get things out and let people know about my life, I book a lunch date with them. Or fly down to see them. Or Facebook them and say "hey girrrrrl. I've missed you! What's happening?!" This outright "writing thing" is somewhat of a challenge for me. But I will not give up! Never never never give up! (Winston Churchill, anyone?) For those of you I can't just book a lunch date with or up and see over the weekend, I promise to return. More positive and joyful posts to come. The past couple have been bit of downers and although I don't apologize for them, it's time to blog about the not so important things in life. The little things. Because that's what makes the world go round. And Jesus. He's sort of important too.

Lots of love!

P.S. This video is amazing. My friend Carrie got me on to it. But seriously, how does that cane pop into the air like that by itself? I'm truly amazed.

Pandora's Box

I think I need to tell the world.

I am hurting.

I'm not suffering from rage or anxiety. I'm not furious or pounding my chest. I am just defeated. Deflated. My joy bubble: popped. Grief seems like too strong a word to others but it remains the only word that defines the churning. Sometimes I sob into my pillow while falling asleep. Other times I weep at my desk at work. Outright weep (don't worry, I work alone). Mostly I catch myself shaking slightly with tears just about to pour over the ledge of my lower eye lids. I cannot focus on my life because my thoughts are so consumed with this bullet; this weighted ball-and-chain. You may think this is dramatic or unwarranted because the situation is not decided, but it doesn't matter. My emotional and spiritual health depend on me being as gut-wrenchingly honest to myself as I can be. And in the wake of that, as blatantly honest with my family and my "safe" ones.

I have never liked change. In fact, I'm one to stick to the old ways as long as possible so as not to confront change. I hated the idea of college. Most teenagers cannot wait to let go and move on. Pack their bags and drive or fly to their future. That future that is their own; by themselves, with no help, doing it as an individual, as an adult. I did not like this concept. I probably would have stayed in high school and lived at home forever if I had the choice. But I was told college was the next step. I was encouraged to choose a place away from comfort, somewhere where I could learn about me and grow. Now that's a silly thought. Learn about me? I know me. I'm a straight A student. I'm an athlete. I'm a leader in my youth group and I do nursery on Sunday mornings. I read leadership books and serve on the student council. What else is there to learn? Oh what heightened false realities we live when we are younger. And even though I've learned who I am - I'm afraid of confrontation, I hate change, I can be passive aggressive and I like to present to the world that I do everything right and know a lot of facts - I know even now that I will look back at my twenties and figure that I didn't know anything then. But I know more now than I did, and that's a good first step.

Tangent aside, change is downright awful for me, especially when it consists of something I did not know was coming or wasn't asking for. My parents have separated and I swallow hard acknowledging and typing that out. This is the hardest news to take when you think your family is immune. How can it be my parents, Lord? How did I not know or see signs? How could they have not warned me? Why did I think my family was so open and communicative when in all actuality I was not being told a damned thing? My first reaction was one of utter shock and bewilderment. I was thunderstruck and couldn't breathe properly. My parents who would hold each others' hands in the car? The couple that danced and made-out in the kitchen in front of their extremely uncomfortable teenage children? Yes, those same people. And although they are still the same people today as they were before January 10, perspective has shifted and I can never go back. I do not like the situation. I am not going to say it is OK. I am not going to hold back my tears just because I need to "buck-up" and be an adult, or so I am less dramatic. I am going to be in pain. For a long time. Because this cannot be fixed quickly or quietly. For them, this is apparently a Sabbath. For me, it is hell. But nothing is irredeemable and God is gracious. I pray that he gives both my parents the time and space they need from each other. I pray that they can communicate about these things in a healthy manner under healthy direction to make the marriage work again. I pray that they really address who they are in their humanity and in Christ. Lord knows I am trying to do the same now that Pandora's box has been opened. What in my past, in my history, has caused me to react and feel certain ways? What is my biological makeup and how does that affect my decisions, attitudes, relationships and states of being?

I encourage you to pick up the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. It addresses the issue of reaching so far into yourself to find out who you are, so you are able to relate to God and others better. The idea that you cannot be fully spiritually adept without being emotionally available to your own feelings. Everything stems from knowing yourself so as to know God. The author, Peter Scazzero, calls it your "authentic self" vs. your "false self". The person that you really are compared to the image you project. And not just in the tip of the iceberg, dime-store-psychology way. In the bitterly frustrating I-hate-this-growing-thing-with-a-passion type of self examination. My parents have forced all six of us to explore our authentic selves and this may be the hint of gold in the lump of coal. Scazzero gave four challenges to become our authentic selves: 1. pay attention to your interior world in silence and solitude with Christ 2. find trusted and safe companions 3. be prepared to move out of your comfort zone to address your true self and 4. pray for courage and then some more courage.

I am changing. My parents are changing. My family and life are changing. Hopefully, with much prayer, communication and self identification in the name of Jesus Christ, my family will be whole again.

Here is a video of Peter and Geri Scazzero's testimony and how learning EHS has helped in their marriage, family, and church:
http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/media/videoplayer3.asp?file=http://media.emotionallyhealthy.org/video/Testimony_New2.flv

Some quotes from EHS:
Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality. Listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. And reality is where we meet God... Emotions are the language of the soul. They are the cry that gives the heart a voice... However, we often turn a deaf ear - through emotional denial, distortion, or disengagement. We strain out anything disturbing in order to gain tenuous control of our inner world. We are frightened and ashamed of what leaks into our consciousness. In neglecting our intense emotions, we... lose a wonderful opportunity to know God. We forget that change comes through brutal honesty and vulnerability before God. (Dan Allender & Tremper Longman)


As Parker Palmer said, "Self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch."


...when we neglect our most intense emotions, we are false to ourselves and close off an open door through which to know God. I remember the awkwardness when I began to be honest about my feelings. Initially I wondered if I was betraying God or leaving Christianity. I feared that if I opened Pandora's box, I would get lost in a black hole of unresolved emotions. I was breaking an unspoken commandment of my family and my church tradition. To my surprise, God was able to handle my wild emotions as they erupted after thirty-six years of stuffing them. I came alive like never before. And I rediscovered his love and grace - much like David, Job, and Jeremiah.