Neither Should I Rush My Way Into Your Heart

Pandora is a God-send. I find these amazing songs I would never otherwise hear. Today I was listening to my Tenth Avenue North station trying to be in the spirit of the Lord throughout my day and I heard the perfect song. It's breathtaking and magical. Last night I was struggling with feeling lonely and wondering why it's always me that never seems to find happiness (or contentedness? - per 30 Cent's conversation on Sunday). Sometimes I feel as if I'm not brave enough. I'm shy when it comes to guys but I can hold my own in a group. Something about the intimacy of looking at someone and knowing that they know you like them. It's scary. The movies make it look effortless. It's not. Staring down that guy across the room and holding the gaze is one of the most brave things anyone can do. Yet I'm afraid. And I don't know how some people can so openly show themselves to others. I feel like I need to see someone prove their worthiness before I open any part of me. And that's partly healthy and partly not. But beyond being brave, I must remind myself to be patient. And that's what I'm struggling with lately. I'm not asking for my future husband right now. I honestly think I have a lot of learning to do before that happens. But I would like to be thought attractive, interesting, likable. And then the song came on. Love is Waiting. I was exploring my new obsession, Pinterest, and sifting through some of the most creative photos I've ever seen and I was pulled out of my soft bubble.

"I'll be waiting for you baby."

My! Using a shoe organizer as a pantry organizer for small items is brilliant!

"I'll be holding back the darkest night."

Wow that storage unit is super cute and convenient.

"Love is waiting 'til we're ready, 'til its right. Love is waiting."

The song pulled me out of my procrastination exploration and I just had to hear the rest of the song. I YouTube-d (can that be used as a verb?) the song, sung by Brooke Frasier, and absolutely fell in love. I had to tell the world ("I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!" - Elf). Many of the viewers take this song to mean that love means waiting for marriage. A sentiment I don't disagree with, but my take is a bit more helpful in my state. Love's waiting until I'm ready. Who is love? God is love. He's waiting until I am ready. Until the man I marry is ready. Until He has done with us what He wants. Until we have learned what we need to move on to the next phase of our life. I know the Lord has not promised me a future with a marriage and a family. But I know He loves me. And this song came just at the right moment. And the Lord hears our hearts. And He's there. Telling us "I know, my daughter, I know. That thing you wanted is not going to happen. Not the way you've always dreamed. I know this hurts. I know this stings. I know you feel like I am distant or not aware of where you are and who hurt you and what you think life was supposed to be like. I know in moments like this you doubt that I can count the hairs on your head or have your best in mind. But please, I am not done. I have barely started to reveal your life to you. I am the God who satisfies your desires with good things. That is me! And when it comes to your hopes and your fears and your dreams, I know, my [daughter], I know" (Jon Acuff).

In the autumn on the ground, between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you
don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man

I could right a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart