Thankfulness

Retrospective outlook hits me around the holidays. I'm going to use this post to let the world know what I am thankful for from this past year. So sue me. I don't care if you think it's cliche :)

~ My house and all my new roommates have been a lifesaving force for me this year. I'm already starting to tear up thinking about you all. As I take a deep breath in and try and control my emotions - I'm currently sitting in our apartment while you're all out and about - I can't help but think how amazing each and every one of you have been in my life. I don't know where I would be. Honestly. Your friendship, your laughter, your time and energy, your encouragement. I can't say enough. Wow - holy moly I can't control myself. I've now begun to literally cry! Deep breath... zen... ahh... OK. You all are such a miracle. This house and its outlook and its strengthening and challenging community has been more than I bargained for - in a good way. Sure we've had our construction challenges and our heat (and closet!) issues, but things are starting to come together in the physical sense. One thing I've noticed, though, is that we came together in the spiritual/emotional sense from the beginning and that is so rare. God so orchestrated this people and our connection that I can't stop thanking Him for what He's provided in this crazy amazing neighborhood we call home. Hoping the next year is just as wonderful!

~ My college girlfriends and the amazing men they've found in the past few years. We've had our struggles and celebrations this year and yet we still manage to make each other important. There are deeper connections with certain girlfriends than with others - that's only natural - but we make the time and stick it out. We're (hopefully!) meeting up again this coming spring and I love that we've started this tradition of at least seeing each other once a year. We're all within (mostly) driving range and I'm so thankful for you, Michelle, Carrie, Katharine, Sarah, Abby and Kate. You've made my memories of college so colorful. The men you've found, Shell, Kate and Katharine, could not be better. They each fit you perfectly and I am so proud that you each waited for that right man. To Carrie, Abby and Sarah (and me!), I know we will be blessed in the same manner! Patience and trust in God, right? ;-)
I love you all.

~ To my family. There are no words. I've cried on the phone with you, laughed over Facebook with you, celebrated holidays and birthdays at home and from afar. I am so thankful that I can talk to any of you about my day, my life and be so honest and open. I'm so proud of my parents and their marriage and family they've raised. Not to boast of my own, but to let them know they have done a fantastic job and raised some fantastic kids. I'm so grateful for my best friend, my sister. I am so happy you are nearby and we can meet up for lunch in Boston or spend a Friday night together on a double date with Ben & Jerry. I love that you have jumped into grad school and are making your life what you want it to be. I love that you are so invested in your friends and are being such an example of a strong courageous young woman in the "big city". I'm so glad that I can talk to you about anything. Danny, you have become such a man of God this past year. I am so proud of you! The discussions we've had and the phone calls we've shared are so meaningful to me. I know you're not the mushy kind, but let me get this out. You are so wonderful and you have grown so much. I am so proud of each and every decision you have made and you are on the right track, dear brother. Some girl will be extremely lucky one day to call you husband. And to the youngest, the joy of our family, Tim. I love you. I cannot believe you are almost halfway through college! I love that you always tell me you love me every time we end a conversation. I love that you give me great big hugs when I see you and that you are always there to let me poke you and tease you. We are still little kids at heart, eh? You are going to make a great man and leader one day. I know it. You are such a gem.

~ To the new friends and church community I've found this year: thank you for taking me in and including me so quickly. Thank you for investing in me and letting me join in this community of Boston. You have shown me what it means to take Christ's words and make them real. How to invest in the poor, the lonely, the angry, the poor in spirit, and in one another! I have never seen such a tangible act of Christianity in my life. Living amongst you and with you has taught me so much in so little time.

~ To my Savior, thank you. Thank you for loving me and accepting me even though I am troubled and weary. I'm not adequate or loving enough. I'm not what I want to be, yet you love me. Why? All I can do is say thank you. You've blessed me so much this year and I am so excited for once in my life to continue on this path You've written out for me. I have learned that You have yet to even reveal the beginnings of Your plan for me and that I need to trust you and be patient. I love where I am now and I would not want it to be any different. I trust you with my future.

Advent and Lost Thoughts

I attend a church in Boston called Reunion. It meets in a hotel in Back Bay and is the epitome of the emergent movement (also known as the emerging church or emergent conversation). And I love it for that. It emphasizes community and social justice, art and narrative. The basis is Jesus but it branches from the traditionalism of organized religion and focuses on Christian spirituality instead of Christianity (thank you Don Miller for the differentiation). I just only recently joined this church, but as a community we've been focusing on a holiday movement lately called Advent Conspiracy. I've attached the video below for your viewing pleasure. Just popping in to blogspot today to share. Not much on the mind. Although, I had a fantastic idea for a blog post yesterday and I cannot remember it for the life of me... I must be getting old. I'm approaching the quarter century mark. Lord help.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

Lessons from the Highway

People often say just start writing and it'll come. But what ends up happening is verbal vomit rather than anything poetic on my part. And vomit just isn't quite interesting. Well, it might be to the gossip monger, but not to *my* readers. I know you are all reputable citizens ;-)

There's a lot going on right now with me. Stuff I don't want to quite share on a public blog just yet. Lots of emotion. Lots of thinking. Lots of unknown. I really hate being in my 20s. There's nothing established or rooted about the upheaval lifestyle. It's terrifying. I've moved once a year for 6 years in a row now. I'm getting tired of it. But yet there's no end in sight. I don't know when I will end up where I'm supposed to be. I don't know if this part of life will ever end. I'm on my own for awhile. But thank God I believe in God. This would truly be lonely without his support.

A quick parable I lived this summer: I adore driving. Especially in the summer. Windows down. Wind in the hair. If I didn't live in one of the coldest/snowiest cities in the nation, I would buy a convertible. But that's just not practical. Anywho, on my way down to Pennsylvania in my Jeep this summer, I got stuck in traffic. Now when I say traffic, most of you think rolling between 10-30mph. This is what I'm used to. This was not the case. I was at a dead stop at multiple intervals for 30 minutes or more. It was the worst traffic jam I had ever been in. Disastrous. I found out later that weekend that there had been a sinkhole and they shut down the entire turnpike ahead. The ENTIRE TURNPIKE, PEOPLE. This just doesn't happen. Ever. And I sat there, thinking to myself, "I'm going to miss my best friend's bridal shower." And we had chatted and dreamed about this for years beginning our freshman year in college. We met the first day of orientation. It was a friendship written in the heavens. And I was furious. Furious at the traffic. Furious at the cause. Rottenly furious at myself for choosing this route. And I just sat there. For hours. In the 100 degree weather. The car slowly rolled to a top speed of about 5mph at one point and then the blockade came to a dead halt again. What was I going to do? When would this traffic end? Will the stifling heat, stress and tumultuous inner thoughts stop? Why did I decide to go this route? Will I ever come out of it? Will I be here forever? Will I get to where I want to be? I called my parents one too many times and took it out on them. (Mom and Dad, if you read this, I'm truly sorry. Thank you for bearing with my bitterness.)

And then the traffic cleared.

The highway opened up. We all revved our engines and took off. It was open road. The breeze feeling bloody fantastic in my hair. The speed felt like something out of Top Gun. I arrived at my friend's house and they had waited for me. The shower hadn't even begun and the bride was still due to arrive. I had reached where I was intended to be. At the exact moment I needed to be there. With the people I was supposed to be with. And this realization gained strength as I comprehended the significance of my 8-hour journey.

Blogger 2.0

My apologies to anyone who follows my blog. I'm sure there are not many of you out there, in fact I can probably count you all on one hand, but my apologies still. For some reason or another, Blogger decided that I could no longer log in with my Yahoo account. I thus had to recreate my blog, copy and paste every single one of my posts (all two of them!) and begin anew here. The site looks similar but the URL and title have changed. As have I over the past few months. Probably will blog again very soon. Feeling the need to express myself with many-a-situation.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!

Rivers

Original post date: Monday, October 4, 2010


Breathe. Wow. Silence. Contemplation. Satisfaction.

Have you ever had that moment after you've read a really great book? And by "great" I don't mean something that was only entertaining. I mean something that ate at your soul and challenged your very existence? Not many books do that. Actually, I can probably name them all on one hand. There's something spectacular about a story when Truth is presented. Yes, Truth with a capital T. There are great epic battles and swooning romances and engaging action stories, but what lies at the base? Mostly its simple truths that regard all challenges that every human faces. Which is what makes them good! But not great. Greatness is reserved. For what, though? For Truth. And who or what is Truth? Only Christ.

I recently read a book series called the Mark of the Lion. Overtly Christian, yes. But it has changed my life. I picked up the first book the other day and have read the first two (it's a three book series, but the third book is a bit different about different characters. I'll let you know how that one is when I finish!). If you're reading this blog, you are well aware that I don't read. Pretty much ever. It takes much for me to try a book and even more to continue past the first chapter or so. Exhibit A: my previous roommates challenged me to try the Harry Potter series. Nope. No way. No how. Not gonna. How can a series be that good? Really?! THAT good? And the whole world population agrees that these books are great? GREAT? How do that many people have good taste? "People" as a group aren't that educated, sophisticated or savvy enough to all agree on something that is actually great. To take a quote from Men in Black: "A person is smart. People are dumb." And it's true! But I was wrong. For those of you who haven't read the series, I won't give anything away. But as a former unbeliever and one who is a true skeptic of all things literature, I humbly request you try reading Harry Potter. There's something so Truthful about someone willing to give up there life for others to live. Sound familiar?

Back to the Mark of the Lion series. I had tried reading the first book, A Voice in the Wind, a year or two ago. Read the first chapter... eh. I didn't get into it. I'm not exactly sure why. My sister then began reading these books with some of her friends in a book club a few weeks ago and prodded me to try again. Nope. No way. No how. Not gonna. Not interested. She knows me though... "But Alli, these books are so romantic! You'll just swoon!" She won. I'm such a girl.

I tried again and pushed through the first chapter or so. OK, cool. Historic fiction. Fall of Jerusalem. Ancient Rome and all its glory. Cool cool. Hot Roman. Extra cool. Suffering of the early Christians... cool. Wait, what? Not cool! What the hell? Death. Destruction. Famine. Disease. Slavery. Terror. OK, so not cool. A young Jewess, Hadassah, is captured in the fall of Jerusalem and sent to Rome as a slave. A prosperous family buys her and God tells her to bear witness of all His greatness. Hold the phone... whaaaaa? His greatness? Shut the front door. After all that? Yes, He says. How? Silence. Damn it! (My words, not Hadassah's.)

It's difficult to put into words what this book has done for me. It's given me courage. It's given me comfort. It's given me perspective. God speaks in the wind, in the darkness, in the loneliness and emptiness that becomes Hadassah's life. Your will done, Lord. Not mine. Never mine. Even if it leads to death? Destruction? Yes, even so. I can't be that brave. I'm not brave. I'm not a super Christian. I don't know if I really believe. Do I believe? I do... I know I do. But yet: doubts. Silence. Both mine and His. Your will, Lord! What is your will? Take courage, young heart, all things work together. Yet even in my unbelief, He reigns. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). His grace is sufficient.

Beyond the idea of God having control of all matters, this book has pushed me to bear more witness. It's given me courage. Don't be afraid. Most people respect others' religions. They won't turn away. They might not hear the Truth in the proclamations, but a seed is planted. Most people aren't rude. They'll hear you out. Maybe be a bit sarcastic. That's OK. Play along. Keep mentioning your faith, but not in a Bible bashing way. Not helpful. People aught to know we are Christians. Do most people know I am one? My Christian friends know I am...

And fresh perspective. Holy moses is that ever needed every once in awhile. It feels like the reaction mentioned at the beginning of this post. Breathe. Wow. Feels like new life! Growing up Christian, I've read the Scriptures many times. Sometimes, they lose their freshness. In fact, a lot of the time they lose their zeal. But this is God's Living Word! How do they lose it? They don't. We do. How far we fall. Except, when we are lifted back up again, we see how refreshing and life-giving they can be! I cannot wait to go home and read the entire book of Ephesians. The second half of the first book and the entire second book take place in Ephesus a little after 70AD. Hadassah is part of that church group. How cool to feel personally connected to the people Paul addressed! To see a glimpse into a fictional characters life that resonates with real history. Takes on a whole new meaning. Can you imagine facing the challenges they faced in Ancient Rome and Ephesus? Those two cities were the cornerstone of idolatry. The Temple of Artemis was one of the most lavish places on earth to worship the gods. And it was part of the Roman Empire. Remember? The Empire that burned Christians during evening parties and threw them to the lions? Good times. Great memories. But God was still there in all of it. And it is seen in this fictional book. And it reminds us that He is still here in all of it. Through my pain. My loneliness. My grief. My joys. My events. My lifetime.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 (a letter to the Christians in Rome)

Nearby Neighbors

Original post date: Friday, September 10, 2010


I'm not a writer. Never have been. But something is so inspiring tonight. I'm sitting in my bedroom, most roommates out for the night. It's Friday. I'm probably going to watch a movie and do some reading until I fall asleep. I haven't been home much this summer. But summer is almost over. It's September 11 tomorrow. Today was the first day I felt fall. It was literally tangible. My toes were tingling from being exposed all day. If I took a snapshot, you'd find me in pink sock-slippers, sweats and a T, entirely wrapped in a pink bathrobe. And I don't even like pink.

The air is so Rear Window this evening. Not as if Alfred Hitchcock wrote the scene outside, but the feeling of watchability is present. (I just made up a word.) Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly experience their neighbors lives in that movie. They can hear them, see them, almost feel what each of their neighbors is going through. The music they play, remember the pianist? The laughter they encounter, can't you just see that teeming party on the top floor? If I reached my hand out my bedroom window and my neighbor did the same, we could probably high-five. The houses are so close together in the city. Right now, I hear a movie drifting through my open window. I'm not sure what it is... sounds like a classic. Or at least a black and white film. The sound is crackly; the speech calculated. Can't you just hear it? It's one of the last warm nights where I can keep my window open. This has been one of the things I've loved moving into the city. I honestly like having my neighbors so close. At times its annoying, especially when your neighbors cigarette smoke travels into your room while you are trying to sleep, but most of the time I hear life. Isn't hearing life wonderful? The movie next door. The kids playing on the side walk. The baby screaming. The car door slamming. The Sarah Bareilles music coming from my roommates bedroom. It's all so delightful. And city-ish. I can just imagine Audrey Hepburn leaning out her window and beginning to play Moon River on her guitar. It's not like New York where I can really see anybody seeing that I face the side of my neighbors house, but I hear it. And feel it. And live it. And it's wonderful. And I am so glad I chose to make the move. And be here. Now. In this City of Irishmen. In a neighborhood of everyone. Listening to life, not go by, but being experienced. Whether its the Korean pop from next door, the Italian sway from my own bedroom, or the hip-hop pounding from the screeching car flying down the one-way road.

Do you get it?

I'm most likely not going to write often. I don't like forcing myself to diary, in a sense, if I'm not living or feeling it. But when the time is right, I'll be here. Contemplating. Channeling. Wondering and maybe even philosophizing. (That is a real word.) What I experience, I want you to be able to understand. What I don't understand, I want you, oh invisible internet community, to not understand with me and sympathize. Because aren't all blogs just creative narcissism? I hope they are more than that, though. I hope they lead beyond what I'm hearing and typing to connecting and relating. For that is the reason I am here. Not this city, but in this life. In my life. And I'm good at it.